Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
