I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
