She is in my trunk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
