i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
how drunk are you?
Several
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize