i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
