His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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