My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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