Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
