Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
