Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
