tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
