Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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