I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
