Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
