hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize