Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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