Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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