jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
