oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
