thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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