Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
