That's when you crack a 10am beer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
