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I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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