i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize