Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
