I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
