I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
