I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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