Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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