I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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