How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In America we eat man semen.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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