My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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