fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
