The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
