it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
