Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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