just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
