meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize