There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
