I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
