The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
