oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
