3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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