my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
