Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
