how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
