You're my little dorito
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
