i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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