you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize