You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
