you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
