the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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