He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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