You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just google imaged poop.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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