Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
