Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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