i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
