these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
