I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
