There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This is classic penis vs brain.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
