Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have aggressive nipples.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
