can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize