We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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