Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
