I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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