Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
