he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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