I'm going to jail i love you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
