I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
