it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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