I heard we made out
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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