I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
