Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
