The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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