A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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